Tag Archive | Bereavement

Saturday Spotlight

saturday spotlight

Cry Standing Up by Valarie Savage Kinney

Cry Standing Up“We had a crowd at the house that night, and even though I was careful about the frailty of my glass; even though I remembered to hold it just tightly enough to keep my grasp, but not so tightly I caused it any more harm; even though I was cautious about the perspiration dripping down the sides… even so, my glass still broke. It broke in the darkness, the deep of the night so black the stars were barely visible. Just before 1 a.m., when the rest of the world had the audacity to be sleeping, that’s when it happened. And the world continued to slumber, just as it always had, just as if my glass, my special, perfect glass, had not just shattered all over the floor.”

My soul had gone to sleep the day my sister died, and I wasn’t keen on the idea of waking it up. Being numb is a whole lot easier to handle than raw, screaming agony.

And then I found out my brother had terminal lung cancer. What follows is my journey through the grief of losing my siblings. I wrote a lot during these years of aching loss and grief, and most of it is not pretty, but it is honest and real. My hope with this book is that others who are mourning might realize they are not alone in the way they feel. Deep grief changes people, that’s just a fact. It’s not an experience one can just “get over.” We can learn to live with it, though, accepting the waves of emotion that sometimes strike us out of nowhere. And in time, laughter will come again.

Amazon

 
My Review:

Cry Standing Up is a book about grief, depression, and anxiety. It’s poignant, and it’s emotional.

I have had depression and anxiety for a long time, and having lost a few people close to me over the past few months, I found many of the author’s thoughts very familiar. Although some parts weren’t easy to read, and I read a lot of the book through my tears, it was reassuring to realise that I’m not alone in my feelings.

Of all the thoughts in this book that struck a chord with me, this one resonated the most:

“If the people around me could stop dropping dead for like five minutes, I might be able to get my head screwed back on straight. But obviously that’s not going to happen”

 
Cry Standing Up also offered a comforting beacon in the dark and an assurance that it was ok to be tired all the time, to cry, to be me, and to grieve.

Thank you, Valarie!

(I received a complimentary copy of the book for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own.)

 

 

About The Author:

Valarie Savage KinneyValarie Savage Kinney is a writer, fiber artist, and Renaissance festival junkie with a wicked caffeine addiction. She resides in Michigan with her husband, grown children, two slightly hysterical dogs, and eight (yes, eight) guinea pigs.

She is the author of Slither, Heckled, Consumption and The Secrets of Windy Springs Series. She puts the “I” in weird.

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Goodreads • Amazon

 

After the Flowers Die by Melanie Delorme

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After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a child by Author Melanie Delorme

“Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?”

 

coverEven though you might be feeling that the answer to this question is no, never, absolutely not; be assured that not only is it possible for you to survive, but you are also strong enough to thrive after this devastating tragedy.

The loss of a child creates a gaping hole in a parent’s heart that seems unbearable and the only people who truly understand your pain are other bereaved parents. Melanie is one of those parents and, in After the Flowers Die, she offers encouragement, hope and honest suggestions for how you can once again experience joy.

This book is written in an easy to read A to Z format and covers topics that many parents may experience, such as anger, bitterness, birthdays, Christmas, hope, signs, and more. If you have lost a child and are feeling hurt and lost, this book is a great starting point for you to acknowledge your loss, celebrate your child’s life and find hope.

Are you ready to begin your journey towards healing?

Amazon ~

 

 

Excerpt:

DADS

So often in North American society, dads are expected to follow certain rules. Manly men do not express emotions in public, nor do they ever cry. Dads are expected to be the rock of the family, to hide their self-doubt and pain from the world.

Typically, women are viewed as nurturers, the pillars of the family who are allowed to show softness and emotion without judgement. Whether we like it or not in our age of gender equality, moms are the parents who give birth and sacrifice their bodies, their sleep, and sometimes their careers to raise healthy babies. The connection moms have with their children is instant. If it were possible, a lot of men would switch roles with their wives for that opportunity to bond.

Early in our marriage, Gerry and I read the book Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus by John Gray. Chapter three is titled “Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk.” While the book is not about grieving, it does offer some insight into the differences between men and women that can help us understand each other. The gist of the chapter is that while most women are quite comfortable talking about their issues and their feelings, most men prefer to be alone with their thoughts and may retreat into a “cave.” It seems socially acceptable for women to cry publically, yet there is a double standard when it comes to crying men.

Because of these differences, dads can be forgotten mourners, left feeling alone in their grief.

If you are a bereaved father, please know it really is okay for you to express your emotions publicly. If that is something that makes you uncomfortable, let your wife, or someone close to you, know that you are still grieving. Let them know what you need. Accept that it isn’t always possible for you to be the “rock.” In fact, in order for you to be a rock, you need to take care of yourself emotionally to keep any unaddressed grief from manifesting itself in the form of physical ailments.

If you are a bereaved mother, please know that your husband is grieving even though he may not express it outwardly very often. Try to support his need to be alone, even though it may feel like he is abandoning you or not grieving at all.

Recognizing that there are differences in the way people mourn opens the door to healing for everyone. Perhaps we can even learn from one another.

 

 

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mel for timesMelanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister and friend when without warning she gained the title of bereaved parent when her eight-year-old son Garrett was accidentally killed in a hunting accident. Her road to healing brought her to write her first book. Melanie is involved with her local chapter of Compassionate Friends and is passionate about offering hope to other bereaved parents.

She is currently living on a ranch in Southern Saskatchewan with her husband, Gerry, and their two children.

Website ~

 

Melanie’s Top Ten Favorite Children’s Movies

    • Shrek
    • Monster’s Inc
    • Aladdin
    • Barnyard
    • Madagascar
    • Cars
    • Beauty and the Beast
    • The Fox and The Hound
    • Captain Underpants
    • The Incredibles

 

 

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